Any time a movie is not released to critics, it usually means that the movie is probably going to suck. Chernobyl Diaries, is almost an example of that fact. The new horror-thriller is directed by Brad Parker and co-written and produced by Oren Peli, the guy responsible for the ‘Paranormal Activity’ franchise. We’re not surprised at how this movie played out, given the fact that Paranormal Activity is kind of a one-trick pony.
The movie is about a group of thrill-seekers who agree to travel from Kyiv, Ukraine, with a former Special Forces soldier turned “extreme tour guide” named Uri, that find themselves threatened by forces unknown in the town of Pripyat, evacuated and abandoned following the 1986 Chernobyl nuclear disaster.
Even though it’s not a found-footage film, Chernobyl Diaries pretty much keeps the same formula, with all the handheld whip pans, shaky running, and ‘did you see that in the background?’ moments. The main spook effect used throughout the movie is flashlights, shining through dust-filled darkness around the characters.
These characters, played by Jonathan Sadowski, Olivia Taylor Dudley, Devin Kelley, Ingrid Bolsø Berdal, Nathan Phillips, and Jesse McCartney (Really?), all started playing a game of “How f**cking stupid can we possibly be in a dangerous situation?” contest, after the movie got going. We’re not even sure if that’s a real contest, but the entire main cast won. The acting was (not surprisingly) bland, even during the moments when you should be scared right alongside the character.
Honestly, the movie becomes way too predictable early on, and when the camera goes dark, you’ll find yourself sitting in your seat, waiting for the jump-scare because you KNOW that there’s going to be one. There was no suspense or surprise, and after a while, the film becomes its own form of contamination.
Overall, we were not really impressed, and totally could have waited for the video. So should you. But if you do happen to pay to see this movie, blame it on radiation poisoning, damaging your sense-making brain cells.
Photos courtesy Oxford Tours, LLC.
